Monday, August 30, 2010

Witty Professor - Part 4

  1. Courtesy: if You can understand, You will understand

  2. On marks for CP – “Oh you are trying for CP.. In class of 90 you should really look like a CLOWNfor me to identify you..sometimes when I go to the market I can see people staring at me.. then I think, oh this guy may be in my class … what are you talking of CP”
  3. Explaining inventory management – “This is against your operations where you say decrease inventory, decrease wip, all those Japanese terms … neither you are Japanese, neither faculty is Japanese, neither you are in japan … but still you read about these Japanese terms”
  4. Student stands at the door and asks for permission – Prof -”They are standing there as if they are so obedient … as if they don’t do anything without my permission … if they see me in the corridor they don’t care … might be they expect me to say ‘don’t come in’ “

    Student runs towards his chair after entering the class
    Prof – “Walk in the corridor run in the class”
  5. On investment bankers/consultants- Prof -
    “They have been advised by an investment banker … probably a business graduate”
    “By showing a higher value investment banker would create his own value”
    On investments bankers report of a company – Prof – “Generally they build a spiral of 30-40 pages … you need another consultant to understand the report …. just like your assignments”
    “If I put it bluntly I would say .. ‘He acts like a pimp’ …. *pause* … How many of you want to become an investment banker … your dream job is to join an investment firm … that is a pimp house”
  6. Relating mergers and acquisitions with boy and girl relationship – “You look at a girl for the first time … and find this is the girl that i need … (do) you start evaluating her?”
    Class starts giving answers on what the boy should do …
    Prof -”See the CP … there was not even one guy when I asked for the story in the case”

    “Boy will say .. -’your father is my father-in-law, he is my father … i will not touch liquor, i will stop smoking … but after marriage you will not allow father-in-law to come in that street’
  7. On student saying Goodwill is the additional savings of merger – “Synergy is a child born out of marriage … why will buyer of this firm pay for the child before hand … you get married you have a child .. god knows whose child it is”
  8. On no response for a question on the case – Prof – “When you come to subject there is silence”
  9. On student not accepting profs argument – Prof – “This is the problem with MBA students … even if they are wrong it is very difficult for them to accept it”
  10. While mentioning generosity towards Shareholders using LIFO/FIFO,
    Prof – “Bollywood actress becoming generous on a magazine page .. what difference does it make?. No material benefit”
  11. On all reasons by students failing – Prof – “These are justifications that are flying out of the window”
  12. On assignments – Prof – “That too 15 copies will have the same numbers … as if I am doing an imposition”
  13. On students not able to remember the numbers in the assignment – “You are like gajini … you don’t remember what you did in the morning …. *relating memory to quizzes* … it is easy for us to correct … first of all they don’t know such a subject exists … if they have good memory they will know the subject but will not remember the what he wrote in the quiz … if someone comes with a query … you should appreciate his confidence on his memory and give him marks”
  14. Referring to the institute – “Will you say all the goods that go out of ### are finished goods … some of them go out as absolute raw materials”
  15. On student arguing about ethics – Prof – “If you deeply think about ethics you cannot be in a business school .. i am sorry that you got in ”
  16. Reg Mentioning of LIFO to FIFO, faculty asked how should we inform the share holders reg that.
    Student – “Very Few people will read the notes sir”
    Prof – “Very few people have read this case also…”
  17. “You hate this accounting subject and wen u join a company, U will close the Accounts department as such…”

Witty Professor - Part 3

  1. Courtesy: Am I Right.. or NOT???
  2. On students submitting copied assignments – “I might give different grades for different submissions … it will be embarrassing for me”
    “Copying is not risky for you it is risky for me … i will give one assignment B and one assignment C … This verification has to be done across the section”
    “When U submit assignment, who all copied, submit it together. Else, for same document I will give different grades and again U will question me. If in the same section, I have to check ninety assignments. If U copy from other section, then one hundred eighty”
  3. On making someone else get printouts – “generally we depute our girlfriend to do this … of course here it is very scarce … they have more options”
  4. On hand written submissions – “People think if they write with hand they will get more marks .. because more hard work … it is not like that … you are not willing to work hard and not even pay money”
  5. On less response in class – “Make some noise yaar .. that’s what is CP”
  6. After listing out the four options available – “Generally we are out of box thinkers and we can come up with a fifth method .. if we have a fifth option then we will select the fifth option and write it on the screen”
  7. On only 70 people raising hands till the second last option – “You assume that the remaining people are in the last option … there are many people not knowing what is going on here”
  8. When a student raised his hand hesitantly – “You are voting for this …. *turning towards class* … because he raises the pencil like this”
  9. On the example where tenant can own part of the house – “It is already risky to give you a house …. if he says you own part of the house … you will own the basement and start destroying the basement”
    “You will start owning the building .. you will start owning the family members of the owner … you become bigger than the owner”
  10. On an untidy submission – “It is like a kirana shop list” … Student -”it is what is written inside that matters” Prof – “Tomorrow you should not write in a newspaper and say read from it …. you should not write in a circle and say start from here (and end here) … …. … … I am an innocent man”
  11. “Company, Management, Management family are all the same. reliance Board Room discussions are equal to Ambani Kitchen room discussions”

Witty Professor - Part 2

  1. courtesy: ya... Go Ahead Then..
  2. On the case where uncle dies and leaves a farm in his will – “Uncle had willed a farm; she knew (about) the will… with the help of the lawyer she finished off the uncle”
  3. “It seems like most of you are not aware what exercise we are discussing … is that so”
  4. “Students here are such that if they were given a big answer sheet and a marketing question paper, they will start preparing Transaction Analysis table”
  5. On students saying that they will prepare a Transaction Analysis table – “You need a big sheet now, you will use it as a mat … put your head and sleep on that … looks like that’s what you have done in the midterm”
  6. “Once you become a manager you will say ‘get a Transaction Analysis sheet’ … the poor accountant will say ‘what is the Transaction Analysis table’ … you will say ‘how u don’t have a Transaction Analysis’. That will be the big change you bring about in the company … from now on you will have a Transaction Analysis table for everything”
  7. Explaining the difference between fixed and variable costs – “Price of the book that you have is a variable cost and the little salary they give me is the fixed cost. They want to take maximum benefit of this fixed cost and kept adding more chairs in the class … it will not surprise me if they break the wall (at the end) and then the guys would need binoculars to see this side, what is exactly happening. They might add another vertical layer on top also ….
    It looks like fixed cost in this institute is really a fixed cost … It does not vary with capacity”
  8. “Revenue is going at a lag of one year and expense goes with the current year. This is one more method you have invented. We will add this to the midterm list.”
  9. If you are asked to write a mission statement for a company … you like this strategic statements … every quarter you write a strategic statement and still talk about long term goals.
  10. On not able to recognize revenue completely due to writeoffs – Student – “Generally we assume that once we write an invoice we will get the revenue”… Prof- “I appreciate your positive attitude
  11. Student – “Sir your logic does not use the numbers” … Prof –“I have not used … I am ignorant, innocent … you use it … …. *pause*… give him the mike also”
  12. On the method of entering revenue after making the product usable – “Making it usable … I am thinking if ### will recognize revenue ever”
  13. Asking the description of the problem to students- Prof- “What next?”
    Student –“ 3 methods of calculation”
    Prof- “What Next?”
    Student – Questions
    Prof – “What Next?”
    Student – “Next Case”
    Prof- “Each of us is a very good case”
  14. “We can admit students in 2nd term also. To clear 1st Term, U just need to buy a dictionary that mentions all the business terms … that’s all !! …Who knows that student who comes in 2nd term may perform better than all of us”
  15. “Why worry about perishability of the goods, you should be worried about durability of the customer”

Witty Professor - Part 1

COURTESY: Any questions ask me right now …. OK .. Lets take it further

1. ### being part of committee of ICAI – “So called big ###s are part of the team, not us … Just by having the same name it does not mean that you are the same breed”
2. On standards of ASB-
   “They create an ambiguous standard and then help you interpret them”
   “They correct their mistakes in accounting standards and then call it a review”
   “They always keep an eye open to copy from elsewhere”
3. On AS -1 Accounting standard – “They took 2 years to copy the first standard”
4. On his own working in one section being submitted as assignment submission in another section
   “I left my slide here and in the next class they submitted my own assignment to me. It is very exciting to see your own assignment in printed format”
   “you should be in ICAI for the speed of copying because people there in ICAI are taking few years to copy standards from others”
5. On disclosure of silly mistakes(pun intended) in mid term marks, he will make a presentation
   “I will not disclose names… don’t worry. But you can find out… I will look at the person when I tell”
6. After the prof clarifies a query of the student … student – “Yes that sounds reasonable” .. Prof – “Thanks for the evaluation”
7. “Whoever has supplied books for you will have to wait for many years to recognize its value”
8. On mid term exams – “learning happens after the event”
9. In response to students comment “Expected expense incurred from expected revenue” … Prof – “This will be a good answer in the answer sheet”
10. Explaining why some companies buy loss making companies – “In life it is good to make a loss … anything can create value. If one gets all F’s don’t get scared … it may create value …. you don’t know”
11. “..Many mid terms will come and go and many end terms will come and go .. but life moves on but that’s OK .. that’s a part of learning as well … at the end of it you will find that you have not learnt anything.Then at the end of it a bunch of jokers will come to hire you”
12. “You don’t expect it to work for more days if it is Indian made… especially if it is made by an Indian”
13. Q from prof – “How many Accounting standards are existing in India?” ….. Answer from student: “92 (The strength of 92 of the class :P )” Faculty: “There should be more than 92 standards as there are more than 1 method created by few of you….”
14. Why Seniors come to hire in our campus? Ans – “They know the talent of students here. and so they come here as we won’t affect their jobs with our talent…”
15. “I gave this problem to 60 students last year, they were not able to solve… this year I gave it to 90 students still no solution. That shows intelligence is not correlated to student size …. I am thinking of asking PGP office to make accounting an open laptop exam – bcoz even then u wont be able to solve it …. I would even circle the right answers to help you – even then u wont be able to arrive at them …. I can even give you the paper on monday and take it back on next monday. All you pgp1s n pgp2s can do it together – even then u wont be able to do it…
16. “The answers will be given to you …. all you have to do is to come with a 1 Re coin and scratch, the answers will appear …. The correct answers will be in bold … am pretty sure that there will still be people who make mistakes”

Professor and Kids- Part 2

From the stage artist turned Prof

Professor and Kids- Part 1

Indian Institute of Management Jokes.. Operations Management Class Room

Professor not knowing the subject joke :D

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Busy day for a monkey who saves her cub from being hit by a moped...and then again from becoming a dog's dinner

Even on the dusty and dangerous streets of New Delhi, the bond between a mother monkey and her young is almost unbreakable.
This tiny youngster was struck by a moped while scampering across the road in India's capital, where the animals are a common sight scavenging for food.
Lurking nearby was a wild dog who sensed an easy kill. But just when the baby's fate seem sealed, its mother leapt to the rescue.
Dedicated mother: Monkey cub was first run over by a moped before being attacked by a dog
Dedicated mother: Monkey cub was first run over by a moped before being attacked by a dog
The mother stepped in to attack the moped driver before gunning for the hungry dog too
The mother stepped in to attack the moped driver before gunning for the hungry dog too
In an act of ferocious devotion she grappled with the dog, biting it on its back to drive it away before picking up her little one.
In the animal kingdom the bond between a mother and her young is unbreakable.
And as this young Indian monkey discovered that natural instinct is always evident, even away from their natural surroundings.
The small golden haired monkey was left momentarily dazed after being struck by a moped rider while scampering across the road.
Monkey see monkey do: The mother attacking the dog after it has started on her cub
Monkey see monkey do: The mother attacking the dog after it has started on her cub
Lurking nearby was a wild dog who, sensing an easy kill, moved in to try and snatch his prey as he lay stunned on the ground.
But just when the young monkey’s fate seem sealed its mother leapt to the rescue.
Using her powerful arms she jumped on to the back of the street predator in a desperate act of protection.
Amazed onlookers in the streets of New Delhi, India, watched as the monkey and the dog tussled together.
Mother scares the dog off and tends to her cub who cowers beneath her in fear after the ordeal
Mother scares the dog off and tends to her cub who cowers beneath her in fear after the ordeal
Eventually the dog realised he was not going to win and wandered away leaving the injured baby monkey to cling to its mother.
The scenes were captured by a photographer who happened to be passing at the time of the incident and posted the pictures to an internet photo site.
The species of primate, known as the Common Indian monkey, are a common sight in the streets of New Delhi where they scavenge for food.
Like other animals forced into an urban environment they run the risk of being hit in the traffic choked streets.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

McAfee bought by Intel .. some fun posts on slashdot

Given that McAfee "Oopsie" actually shutdown Intel operations for a day, maybe they do want to take it out back, and put it out of its misery?

McAfee is finally in the hands of someone qualified to figure out how to completely uninstall it.

They intend on replacing the software with a looping .gif that pretends to scan your computer when you click on the icon in the systray. Thus they will continue to provide the same core functionality* at a fraction of the processor capability

*core functionality may consist of, and won't exceed convincing idiots that their computer is secure
Intel plans to release a final update to all Mcafee users that will force uninstall the software from their machines, increasing the performance of Intel systems by 300%.
Or, they plan to make it even slower, and encourage users to upgrade their processors!
A list of better things you could do with $7b:

1. Fill a swimming pool with $100 bills and go nuts.

2. Buy several sky scrappers and blow em up, just for shits and giggles.

3. Buy Kaspersky. (Kaspersky is one of the best anti-virus softwares in the market today)

4. Nothing. Absoluetly nothing. Ever again.

Any other suggestions?

Tintumon again

Tintumon vazhipadu in Temple

Tintumon ambalattil vazhipad counter Q vil..

Munnile uncle : shambhu, thiruvatira, paalppaayasam.

Tintumon: Hans, break dance, chickenbiriyani…!

Friday, August 13, 2010

How some expressions were derived

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either
>sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him
>standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed
>both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how
>many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted.
>Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer
>Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
>As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May
>and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads
>(because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good
>wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they
>would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for
>30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big
>Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone
>appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
>In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one
>chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used
>for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while
>everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was
>usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit
>in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one
>sitting in the chair the "chair man."
>Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman
>of the Board."
>Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women
>and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's
>wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were
>speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face
>she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax
>would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too
>close to the fire, the wax would melt therefore, the expression "losing
>Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and
>dignified woman . as in "straight laced" wore a tightly tied lace.
>Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax
>levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of
>Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead.
>Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be
>stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."
>Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the
>people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or
>radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and
>bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's
>conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at
>different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words
>"go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and,
>thus we have the term "gossip."
>At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized
>containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep
>the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was
>drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term
>"minding your "P's and Q's."
>One more: bet you didn't know this! In the heyday of sailing ships, all war
>ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round
>iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon.
>However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage
>method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on
>four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon
>balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was
>only one to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling
>from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey"
>with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the
>iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem
>was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts
>much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the
>temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much
>that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was
>quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."
>(All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)


Monday, August 9, 2010

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