Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Welcome to the Stock Market!!


 Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to
 the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.   The villagers
 seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest  and started catching them.

 The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish,  the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he  would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and  they started catching monkeys again.

 Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going  back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply  of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a  monkey, let alone catch it!

 The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However,  since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would  now buy on behalf of him.

 In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at  all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will  sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you  can sell it to him for Rs50.
 The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the  monkeys.
 Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!


 Welcome to the Stock Market!!


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Five cannibals in IT company





This a real cool one couldn't resist to share this with you :-)

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers  has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the  boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which  of you idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating  team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So here after please don't eat a person who is working."

 

 

 



Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Wine and Water


Wine and Water


To all, who enjoy a glass of wine...and those who don't.. 

As Ben Franklin said: 
In wine there is wisdom, 
in beer there is freedom, 
in water there is bacteria. 

In a number of carefully controlled trials, 
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, 
 (E. coli) - bacteria  found in feces. 

In other words, we are consuming 
1 kilo of poop. 

However, we do NOT run that risk when 
drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whisky or other liquor), because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. 

Remember:     
   Water = Poop,        Wine = Health . 

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. 

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: 
I'm doing this as a public service. ;)
Wah wah..kya justification and reasoning!! :D

Inspiration



Minutes before the UEFA Champions league 2008-09 final between Barcelona FC and Manchester United FC at Stadio Olympico, Rome:
Before his players ran out into the Stadio Olimpico pitch on Wednesday night, Barcelon Football Club coach Pep Guardiola - along with Catalan journalist, Santi Padro - put together a video clip that showed his players at their finest moments with scenes from the film, Gladiator. There were no motivational talks or speeches - just the video which played in the darkness of the locker room.
As the seven minute video played the room remained speechless with the final minute of the video playing the music from the final act of Puccinis opera at full volume.

As the lights came back up some of the players had been moved to tears and others began shouting fully indicating that Peps tactics had achieved the desired result. Without a word from Guardiola the team proceeded to the pitch and the rest was history.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEnqArnhFKI&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.typicallyspanish.com%2Fnews%2Fpublish%2Farticle_21600.shtml&feature=player_embedded



Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Priyadarsan,Mohanlal to float an IPL team :O kerala Porottas :D



http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Entertainment/Priyadarsan-Mohanlal-to-float-an-IPL-team/articleshow/4671836.cms

hope sreesanth's not the icon player :O

Priyadarsan, Mohanlal to float an IPL team!

19 Jun 2009, 0000 hrs IST, SREEDHAR PILLAI , TNN




Last week, Priyadarsan was in his hometown of Thiruvananthapuram on amission.

He is planning to start a cricket team from Kerala for the next IPL season in 2010, with childhood friend and Malayalam superstar Mohanlal.

"During our school and college days, we had a cricket team, City Cricketers, for which I used to open the innings; Mohanlal was the all rounder and pinch hitter. Some of our team members played in the Ranji Trophy for Kerala, while others got into Malayalam film industry," says Priyadarsan getting nostalgic.
Now, he is working towards his dream of having an IPL team from Kerala, with the tacit support of the Kerala Cricket Association (KCA), affiliated to BCCI, which is looking to add more teams to the premier T-20 tournament.

Says Mohanlal, "We're trying to nurture local talent, as the most successful IPL players this year have been little known guys like Manish Pandey, Pragyan Ojha, and Kamran Khan. There are a lot of youngsters in the small towns of Kerala and Tamil Nadu waiting to get a break. They have the talent, but lack exposure and world class training facilities."

"Thanks to Shah Rukh Khan, we were able to send five promising lads — Mohammed Niaz, Mohammed Sanuth, Rohan Prem, P Prashanth and teenage batting sensation Sanju V Samson — to attend the selection trials of the Kolkata Knight Riders. They might not have made it to the team, but they got to see how international players train and the exposure has helped them," adds Priyadarsan.

The duo has roped in Shashi Tharoor, the Thiruvananthapuram MP and the new Union Minister of State for External Affairs as chairman of their team, to be called City Cricketers.

Two NRIs and a few corporates are willing to fund the project which will cost around Rs 250 crore. The team will have its own state-of-the-art cricket stadium near Kovalam. Former Indian player and fielding coach Robin Singh has been signed as the technical director.

"The KCA will approach the BCCI with our proposal, and if all goes well, we will start our IPL innings next year," concludes Priyadarsan.


Monday, June 22, 2009

Speeding!!!


Speeding !!!!

 Arin Patel, a middle aged Indian immigrant in Dallas, Texas bought a brand new convertible Porsche.

He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.

"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 mph to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? "I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.

The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.

"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November a day before Thanksgiving "If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back."

The Policeman said, "Have a nice day, sir"



Saturday, June 20, 2009

the day when it is 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9


On August 7 , 2009

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9



At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August
this year, the time and date will be

 12:34:56 07/08/09

This will never happen in your life again??!!!!

Had you thought about this?! 

 



Hansa and Praful - LOL (for the Khichadi fans as they can only relate to it :D)


*DECIDE*
Hansa : Praful "Decide" matlab ?
Praful : "Decide" Hansa ... vo Casettee player mein hum casettee nahi
dalte usme hota hai na ... "A side" -- "B side" ... toa "C-side" ... "D-
side" ---> "Decide"
*
**Mature*
Hansa : Mature matlab ????
praful: jab apna mahesh...chori karte hue pakda gaya tha.. tab usne kya
kaha tha ?????
hansa: usne kaha tha.. mujhe chodd do.. "MAIN CHOR NAHI HOON"
main chor ...main chor....mature...acha acha....
*
**alphabet*
hansa: praful alphabet matlab
praful: alphabet hansa,local train mein safar karte hoye maasi jaise hi
koi seat khali dekhti hai to wo apni beti alpha se kya kehti hai?
hansa: alpha beth seat pe,alpha beth,acha toh yeh alphabet *

**Asset*
Hansa : Prafulll "Asset" matlab ???
Praful : Asset Hansaaa ....
Jab hum gaadi mein jaate hai and jab gaadi signal par rukti hai ....
taab vo bhikari log aa kar kya bolte hai ...
"Aee Seth... thoda paisa do naa" ... "Eee Sethh ... " ... Asset ..
*
**Depend*
Hansa : Yeh Depend kya hota hai Prafful??
Prafful : Depend Hansa... wo Swimming Pool mein ek taraf to paani kam
gehra hota hai, aur dusri side zyada gehra... Deep-End.. Depend
*
**TOURNAMENT*
HANSA:- ae he he PRAFUL, TOURNAMENT MATLAB
PRAFUL:- TOURNAMENT HANSA!!! YE JO TUMNE JHUMKE PEHNE HAIN, GEHNE PEHNE
HAIN INKO ENGLISH ME KYA KEHTE HAIN, BOLO BOLO!!
HANSA:- AAA HAN HAN TOURNAMENT, (HANSA KHUSH)

MELISA:-(CHIDH KAR)ARE USE TOURNAMENT NAHI ORNAMENT KEHTE HAIN
HANSA:- ARE KUCHH BHI MAT BOLLL
EK JHHUMKA -- ORNAMENT
DO JHHUMKE -- TWO ORNAMENT# #TOURNAMENT
AE PRAFUL!! YE MELISA KO BHI BABUJI KI TARAH KUCHH BHI NAHI ATAA
*
**elastic*
Hansa: Praful elastic matlab??
Praful: Elastic Hansa..
apni voh radha ben unki beti ila ...
usko jab fracture hua tha to voh kya leke chalti thi??
Hansa : Ila to...
Ila-stick leke ...
Ila-stick !! Ila-stick!!!


On Disabilty! (read till the end)..its nice ...





A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her,  and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If  not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a
response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the  den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife  and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife  and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her.  "Honey, what's for dinner?"

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other one as we always think,
could be very much within us...! 

New Ramayana in Kannada..




 
 

Ravana:Bavathi biksham dehi ....

sita: Tagoli swamy ....

Ravana:Border line daati baramma..

She came out and while droping the biksha ..
  

Ravana: ha ha ha ...nanu swami alla...ravana

sita: ha ha ha .. nanu sita alla ..avara mane kelasadavalu......  MUNIYAMMA...

 



Friday, June 19, 2009

I love this Doctor :)






 

Makes sense.......

Misconceptions about food and diets: Interview with Chinese therapist..

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. 

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?  Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your  system.. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products..

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? 
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is  distilled wine, that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that  way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!! 

 

Q: What  are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...GREAT..!

 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? 
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for  you? 

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me? 
A: Are you crazy? HELLO....Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure? 
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? 
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape… WHATSAY

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. 

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

 

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer  heart attacks than Americans. 

5.. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of  sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like...... That's the order of the Day. Happy TGIF.
J

 

=====



 

 



Tuesday, June 16, 2009

New initiative by Govt of India




Government of India has an online Grievance forum at http://www.pgportal.gov.in<http://www.pgportal.gov.in/>

Can you imagine this is happening in INDIA ?

The govt. wants people to use this tool to highlight the problems they faced while dealing with Government officials or departments like

1)      Railways<http://www.indianrailways.gov.in/citizen/citizen_charter.htm>

2)      Posts<http://indiapost.gov.in/CitizensCharter.html>

3)      Telecom <http://www.dot.gov.in/> (incl. Bharat Sanchar Nigam Limited (BSNL)<http://www.bsnl.co.in/>  & Mahanagar Telephone Nigam Limited (MTNL<http://www.mtnl.net.in/>)

4)      Urban Development<http://urbanindia.nic.in/moud/moud.htm> (Delhi Development Authority (DDA)<http://urbanindia.nic.in/moud/citizen/dda/main.htm>, Land & Development Office (L&DO)<http://urbanindia.nic.in/moud/citizen/ldo/main.htm>, Central Public Works Department (CPWD)<http://urbanindia.nic.in/moud/citizen/cpwd/main.htm>, etc)

5)      Petroleum & Natural Gas<http://petroleum.nic.in/>

6)      Civil Aviation<http://civilaviation.nic.in/> (Air India<http://home.airindia.in/SBCMS/WebPages/Home.aspx?&CityId=IND>, Airports Authority of India<http://www.aai.aero/AAI/main.jsp>, etc)

7)      Shipping<http://shipping.gov.in/>, Road Transport & Highways<http://morth.nic.in/writereaddata/sublinkimages/Citizen_Charter_Eng7961680842.pdf>

8)      Tourism<http://tourism.gov.in/>

9)      Public Sector Banks<http://dpg.gov.in/purview.htm>


Allahabad Bank<http://www.allahabadbank.com/terms.asp> Andhra Bank<http://andhrabank.in/scripts/CitizenCharter.aspx>, Bank of Baroda<http://www.bankofbaroda.com/citizencharter.asp> Bank of India<http://www.bankofindia.com/citizenschar.aspx> Bank of Maharashtra<http://www.bankofmaharashtra.in/citizenschart.asp> Canara Bank<http://www.canarabank.com/English/Scripts/CustomerEducation.aspx> Central Bank of India<UrlBlockedError.aspx> Corporation Bank<http://www.corpbank.com/> Dena Bank<http://www.denabank.com/viewsection.jsp?id=0,8,37,88> Indian Bank<http://www.indian-bank.com/citizencharter.htm> Indian Overseas Bank<http://iob.in/CitizenCharter..aspx> Industrial Development Bank of India Ltd<http://www.idbi.com/> National Bank for Agriculture and Rural Development<http://www.nabard.org/citizen.asp> Oriental Bank of Commerce<https://www.obcindia.co.in/pdf/Citizens_Charter.pdf> Punjab & Sind Bank<http://www.psbindia.com/ccharterphp.php> Punjab National Bank<http://www.pnbindia.com/english_web/citizen.htm> Small Industries Development Bank of India<http://www.sidbi.in/> State Bank of Bikaner & Jaipur<http://sbbjbank.com/Policies/citizens_common_practices.htm> State Bank of Hyderabad<http://www.sbhyd.com/default.asp> State Bank of India<http://www.statebankofindia.com/viewsection..jsp?lang=0&id=0,453,102> State Bank of Indore<http://www.indorebank.org/cc.htm> State Bank of Mysore<UrlBlockedError.aspx> State Bank of Patiala<http://www.sbp.co.in/Policies-Guidelines/citizens-charter-main.htm> State Bank of Travancore<http://www.statebankoftravancore.com/home45.htm> Syndicate Bank<http://syndicatebank.in/scripts/CitizensCharter.aspx> UCO Bank<http://www.ucobank.com/citizen_charter.htm> Union Bank of India<http://www.unionbankofindia.co.in/homenew.aspx> United Bank of India<http://www.unitedbankofindia.com/citizen-charter.asp> Vijaya Bank<http://vijayabank.com:8081/vijaya/vijaya/internet-en/menus/customer-relations/citizens-charter.html>

10)  Public Sector Insurance Companies<http://dpg.gov.in/purview.htm>
GIC of India<http://gicofindia.in/en/> Life Insurance Corporation of India<http://www.licindia.com/> National Insurance Company Ltd.<http://www.nationalinsuranceindia.com/> The New India Assurance Company Ltd.<http://www.niacl.com/> The Oriental Insurance Company Ltd.<http://www.orientalinsurance.nic.in/citizen.htm> United India Insurance Company Ltd.<http://www.uiic.co.in/index.jsp>

11)  National Saving Scheme of Ministry of Finance<http://finmin.nic.in/>

12)  Employees' Provident Fund Organization<UrlBlockedError.aspx>

13)  Regional Passport Authorities<http://dpg.gov.in/purview.htm>


Regional Passport Office, Ahemadabad<http://passport.guj.nic.in/> Regional Passport Office, Amritsar<UrlBlockedError.aspx> Regional Passport Office, Bangalore<http://nitpu2.kar.nic.in/passport/index.htm> Regional Passport Office, Bareilly<http://passport.gov.in/bareilly.html> Regional Passport Office, Bhopal<http://www.mp.gov.in/passport/> Regional Passport Office, Bhubaneswar<http://passport.gov.in/bhubaneswar.htm> Regional Passport Office, Chandigarh<http://passport.chd.nic.in/> Regional Passport Office, Chennai<http://passport.tn.nic.in/> Regional Passport Office, Cochin<http://passcoc.kar.nic.in/> Regional Passport Office, Coimbatore<http://passport.gov.in/cbepass.html> Regional Passport Office, Dehradun<http://passport.gov.in/dehradun.html> Regional Passport Office, Delhi<http://passport.gov.in/delhi.html> Regional Passport Office, Ghaziabad<http://passport.gov.in/ghaziabad.html> Regional Passport Office, Goa<http://passportgoa.nic.in/> Regional Passport Office, Guwahati<http://passport.gov.in/guwahati.html> Regional Passport Office, Hyderabad<http://www.ap.nic.in/passport> Regional Passport Office, Jaipur<http://passport.gov.in/jaipur.html> Regional Passport Office, Jalandhar<http://passport.gov.in/jalandhar.html> Regional Passport Office, Jammu<http://passport.gov.in/jammu.html> Regional Passport Office, Kolkata<http://passport.gov.in/kolkatta.htm> Regional Passport Office, Kozhikode<http://passport.gov.in/kozhikode.html> Regional Passport Office, Lucknow<http://rpolucknow.up.nic.in/> Regional Passport Office, Madurai<http://passport.gov.in/madurai.htm> Regional Passport Office, Malappuram<http://passport.gov.in/mlp.html> Regional Passport Office, Mumbai<http://passport.gov.in/mumbai.html> Regional Passport Office, Nagpur<http://passport.gov.in/nagpur.html> Regional Passport Office, Patna<http://passport.gov.in/patna.htm> Regional Passport Office, Pune<http://passport.gov.in/pune.htm> Regional Passport Office, Raipur<http://passport.gov.in/raipur.html> Regional Passport Office, Ranchi<http://passport.gov.in/ranchi.html> Regional Passport Office, Shimla<http://passport.gov.in/Shimla.html> Regional Passport Office, Srinagar<http://passport.gov.in/Srinagar.html> Regional Passport Office, Surat<http://passport.gov.in/surat.html> Regional Passport Office, Thane<UrlBlockedError.aspx> Regional Passport Office, Trichy<http://passport.gov.in/trichy.htm> Regional Passport Office, Trivandrum<http://passtvm.kar.nic.in/> Regional Passport Office, Visakhapatnam<http://rpovizag.gov.in/>

14)  Central Government Health Scheme<http://mohfw.nic.in/cghs.htm>

15)  Central Board of Secondary Education<UrlBlockedError.aspx>

16)  Kendriya Vidyalaya Sangathan<http://kvsangathan.nic.in/cc.htm>

17)  National Institute of Open Schooling<UrlBlockedError.aspx>

18)  Navodaya Vidyalaya Samiti<UrlBlockedError.aspx>

19)  Central Universities

20) ESI Hospitals and Dispensaries directly controlled by ESI Corporation<http://esic.nic.in/> under Ministry of Labour<http://labour.nic.in/main/cit_charter.htm>


Many of us say that these things don't work in India .
Couple of months back, the Faridabad Municipal Corporation laid new roads in his area and the residents were very happy about it. But 2 weeks later, BSNL dug up the newly laid roads to install new cables which annoyed all the residents. A resident used the above listed grievance forum to highlight his concern. To his surprise, BSNL and Municipal Corporation of Faridabad were served a show cause notice and the guy received a copy of the notice in one week. Government has asked the MC and BSNL about the goof up as it's clear that both the government departments were not in sync at all.

So use this grievance forum and educate others who don't know about this facility.
This way we can at least raise our concerns instead of just talking about the 'System' in India .

Invite your friends to contribute for many such happenings.

PLEASE SPREAD THIS MESSAGE AND GET A BETTER FUTURE & FORWARD THIS MAIL TO AS MANY AS POSSIBLE.









Singh is King.. (for Non-Veg Lovers)



 
 Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

 

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

 

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

 

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato!"



SIDE EFFECTS of working in the IT sector !





During these 5 years in this s/w industry, I hardly touched pens. A few days ago, when I had to write on a paper, to go to the next line, I tended to press enter button..

 

Sometimes, when I do a mistake, I feel like pressing Ctrl+Z

  Bhavik

I once went out to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend told me why I was wearing it !!!!

Ashok

 

few days back  I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and  woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that.

 

Jyotsna

One from me too...

Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants..

And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :)

 

Abhijeet

Jus to add...

Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?"

 

Anup

I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way.

Till I realize - I am at home.

Rohit

Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also............while writing personal mails also.........I jus use the way as if I am writing to onsite or some senior person........

Jus forget that we are jus mailing our friends..............

And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me...............I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap...........

Nidhi

Awesome!!

Once after talking to one of my friend. I ended the conversation saying ..." Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"

(Hilarious!)

 

Nisha

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message

from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe its in the recycle bin

Farina

I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand.

Bhabani

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys.

Nisha

Kinda a same experience for me too..

I gave my office mail id and pwd to access Gmail and wondered when did they become invalid???

Sandy

I have a experience to share tooo .. I was earlier working at the back office of an international Bank. We used to 'dispatch' lot of Credit / Debit cards and statements for the customers and track its delivery later.

Once my granma was admitted in a hospital, my team mate once casually asked me " howz ur granma doing now ? still in hospital ? " ... and i replied to her " She is better now , she will dispatched from the hospital tomorrow !"

This was followed by a loud laugh in the entire bay !

Sandeep

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mb...lol....thank god he didn't   noticed tht....

Ashwin

Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.

Vidyarthi

And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen!

Venu

Few of my friends and myself decided to go out for dinner. The place wasn't fixed yet. I said we shall decide it "run time"

Krishna

 

When I went to a movie theatre from office directly.. I showed the guy at the entrance my ID card and walked in... he had to call me back asking the ticket...

Rama

One late night when I went home after work, I was trying to flash my id card to open the lock and only after few secs, I realised what i'm trying to do

Sridhar

Once I went to have juice at the local juice vendor and innocuously asked him whether he had a plain 'version' of lemonade.

Arun

Few years back my shogun engine stopped on Bangalore MG Road as the petrol came to reserve. I told my friend I need to restart my bike!

Satya

The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " don't know what interpretations the guy must have made.

 

Monday, June 15, 2009

Dans in het Central Station

The Future of Dating

Inspiration




 

One day employees of a company a little down in the doldrums  reached office and they saw a big advice on the door on
 which it was written:

 "Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral
 in the room that has been prepared in the gym".
 
In the beginning, they all were sad for the death of one of  their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that person who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.  The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.  The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up.
 
One by one the curious employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they were left speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.  There was a mirror inside the coffin, everyone who looked inside it could see himself.
 
There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: 

"There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth. it is YOU.  You are the only person who can revolutionize
 your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself.
 
Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your partner changes, when things around you change. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life. 

"The most important relationship you can have, is the one you have with yourself".  The world is like a
 mirror: it gives back to anyone the reflection of the thoughts in which one has strongly believed..
 
It's the way you face Life that makes the difference. Today, examine that image in the mirror closely......
  
Have a great Day!!
 
 


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Maternal advice over ages



Every Mom's advice to her son...........

1960's: beta, apne caste ki ladki se hi shaadi karna

1970's ........................   Apne religion ki ladki se hi shaadi karna

1980's ..........................  Apne level ki ladki se hi shaadi karna

1990's ........................... Apne desh ki ladki se hi shaadi karna

2000   .........................  Apni umar ki ladki se hi shaadi karna


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2009 ......................... Koi bhi ho, par LADKI se hi karna.............. !!!

  


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Bill Gates Interview






Beating the employment 'trap; enjoy it…


Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.  5000 candidates assembled in a large room.

One candidate is our Kutty.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming.
                 Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
 
2000 people leave the room.
 
Kutty says to himself,  
                    'I do not know JAVA, but I have
                     nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'
 
Bill Gates:  Candidates who never had experience of managing more
                   than 100 people may leave.


2000 people leave the room.  

 
Kutty says to himself
                     'I never managed anybody by
                      myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can
                      happen to me ?' So he stays.

 
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may
                   leave.
 
500 people leave the room.
 
Kutty says to himself,

'I left school at 15, but what
             have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.

 

Lastly,
          Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat
          to leave.
 
498 people leave the room.
 
Kutty says to himself,

'I do not speak one word of
             Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays
             and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else
             has gone.

 

Bill  Gates joined them and said

'Apparently you are the only
 two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to
 hear you have a conversation together in that
 language.'

Calmly, Kutty  turns to the other candidate and says

                                                                                                'Naatil Evddey ?' (Where's your home(speaking in malayalam))


The other candidate answers…                      'Thrissur' ( A place in kerala(also speaking in malayalam))

 


Sunday, June 7, 2009

The woman in your life...very well expressed...\ Greatest Revenges !! \ Special mention - Road Safety




The Working women reality check

Hi to all,

All married guys - this is FYI....
All yet to be married guys - this is a gentle reminder
All married females - send it to your husbands to remind them
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The woman in your life...very well expressed...

Tomorrow you may get a work ing woman,
but you should marry with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who
love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you
sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment
and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe
more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a
mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as
to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows
that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster
than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men
at her wo rk place too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is
willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational
jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from wo rk once in a while
when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some
and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows
in your entire house - your unstained support, your sensitivities and most
importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this......

Please appreciate "HER"






++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++




++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++









Silly!?



Friday, June 5, 2009

wake up india by Traffic Police of Hyderabad




 

The below images are part of a photo campaign by Traffic Police of Hyderabad. But this is relevant to all India cities for sure!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the record, road driving sense index of Hyderabad was measured lowest in the country and even far lower than underdeveloped countries.

 

Wake Up!  India ! …Follow the rules…Make the shift from Barbarian to Civilian way of life.

 

 



Mungaaru Male Ganesh's Dialogue if he was working in MNC.....


"Ganesh's Dialogue if he was working in MNC....."

Nim trainingu, nim projectu, nim MAT, nim onsite, ee biknaasi Appraisalu, aa SUPERVISORS baiguLa, aa Targetsu, aa team meetingsu, adarajji customer phone maado saddu ella mix aagi nan career alle repairy maadakkaagde iro asTu gaaya maaDide kaNri...

Nangottagoythu kanri nange Hike sigalla antha... bitkotbitte kaNri... Katte thara duDadu Associate of the Year aniskalodakkintha obba decent individual performer aagi idbitre saaku annisbittide kaNri.. Aadre ond vishya tilkolli nannashttu ee kelsana ishta pattu maaDoru ee Field alle yaaru sigalla kaNri.....Yeno Devdasa?

Thanks kaNri, Appraisals vishyadalli nan kan theresidha devathe kaNri neevu....ee kaNNu close aagi maNNu seridhmelu, naan ee upakaarana maryalla ree....... olle RATING siglilla antha nangenu bejaar illa ree......nim projectalliddaga kottralla aa nanooru (400) dinagalu, ashtu saaku kanri........adhanne noDkondu hego jeevana thaLLi biDthini....

Life alli ee levallige confuse aagidhu idhe modlu....yella nim ashirvadha..
Artha aaglillva , aagodhu beDa biDi....
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Think out of the box....


Read the following and enjoy. Might be a repeat to many...


Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round.....


Be careful while you answering, No one will GET second chance to impress....


Very very Impressive Questions and Answers..... ....


Question 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night,
it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:



An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.



Which one would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?



This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.


* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?


He simply answered:


"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."


Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside the Box."


Question 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"


Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well.. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked


Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate.
Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?


Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"



Question 5: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview.
Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."


Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table.
Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table,
then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....



And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ........


This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....


"THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX" …….. J  

 



The four Sad laws of Project ;)




Hotel Keralafonia lyrics -- THIS IS BRILLIANT




Some thing to cheer-up your day.. People who heard "Hotel California" before would laugh your guts out after listening to this song…Gr8 Lyrics Below
and Volume pls…

Hotel California ….   Mallu style  …………   Njoy !!!!!

Hotel Keralafonia !

On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a pink tube-light

My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to myself

I don't like the look of his smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering 'No power today'
More Mallus down the corridor

I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year
It's infested here

His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly noise
And he just laughs
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips

I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar,I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray


Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
What a lousy place,
What a lousy place
Such a sad disgrace


Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise
That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise

And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef

Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit, I am sure !!!

Relax, said the watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country ?   Oh, Hell!






Thursday, June 4, 2009

old one... worth a repeat SPANISH teacher












A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that
in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval;
and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.



(THIS GETS BETTER!)



The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
     but half the time they ARE the problem;
and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.



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