Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Witty Professor - Part 5

Courtesy: The best of Prof. Ravichandran at Great Lakes

Here’s one Prof. who is worth a million…the sharpest and wittiest person you can ever come you memories of a lifetime...a standing example of how terrifying a Prof. could also be…a one professor who makes you think at least a hundred times before you try to speak-up…lest you get cold called…

Had the previledge of taking his Optimization models (Term III) and Simulation modeling (Term VI) @ Great Lakes, Chennai…

Here below is a small collection of his master pieces at Great Lakes and a few i've just gone ahead and picked from blogs of a couple of my IIMA friends…Thought I could have it here-in my blog to have a look at 'em during my tough and boring times, just to remind that i've handled even tougher ones...

Here you go...

- You people have a nice way of avoiding me whenever I ask a start looking in your books, as if you are very busy…looking away like newly married brides…

- I am stunned by your intellectual inferiority…

- This is not your contention but confusion and at best you can have confusion coz its your birth right…

- The one in which he explained cycle time: "Cycle time does not mean that you take three women and expect to have a child in three months, it will still take nine months"

- On self: "I am a sadistic monkey and u know that"

" when my son was 3 years old... yes he actually once was even though he thinks he was born at 15" and I've have taken the responsibility of getting 2 sons into this world…not that it takes much of an effort...with some people it might be a problem...but with me…it didn’t take much effort...its not very difficult…provided u get the chance…

- On the projector being out of focus…"This is unfocussed...just like the PGP program"

- RaviC: So what should blitz do to correct its schedule? Student: Sir, it should improve its scheduling policy RaviC: You know, now that’s like going to a doctor and telling him "I'm not well" and asking him what should I do and the joker says "Get well"

- RaviC- what are personal loans Student - Sir, the loans which do not require any collateral RC- Sasural hain kya?? After some arguments... Student - Sir by that logic "every loan is personal to someone" RaviC- You are stupid and on top of that you are arrogant.

- When a student took his analogy too seriuosly, Ravi C fires, "If I compare a woman's face with the moon, it doesn't mean that there would be mountains and valleys on her face!"

- Talking bout branding, he says, "If IIMA, on the strength of its brand, tries to run a circus, it won't work. Even if it tries to convey the fact that the PGP and the circus are one and the same!"

- Student : But why wud high end customers come to Schwab? RaviC: Why not..if u offer peanuts u will get monkey and if u offer sugercane u will get Elephant.

- Student: Sir building on his (another student's) point RaviC: offcourse u can build on it but its a very shaky foundation Student:Sir there is a concept called DoDo marketing RaviC: u actually want me to believe that??

- An organisation's biggest bottleneck is its CEO..its growth is directly proportional to his vision..broader his vision wider the growth..

- Ice fili case..Student: Sir the consumption peaks in 6th and 7th month RaviC: U r not talking abt pregenancy right??

- Part of a case discussion: After some arguments..Student: Sir, ultimately what u r telling is weighted average. Prof : Ultimately rocket science is just arithmetic, so what u r trying to prove.

- the Prof switches over to Hindi in the class and asks, "is everyone okay with Hindi?"One student promptly raises his hand and says " Sir, I dont know Hindi". The Prof looks at him and the entire class for a moment and looks at him and says, " Actually you are supposed to say- I dont know... Hindi ALSO!" with a stress on also...and the class incl me erupts in laughter

- Student (40+ years old) : The key difference here is.. Prof : Look, at the way he talks... refined, like how lotsa big people talk... 10 or 15 mins of talk, with just an iota of data, like interest rates will increase by 0.5% Student : A habit of over 20 years... Prof : Oh yeah ? Bull Shitting has become a habit and my class erupts...

- Talking about comprehensive/evolved mathematical models.. Prof : Yeah, its like this... Human beings are evolved form of monkeys, some are still trying to evolve, and some successfully evolve!

- Ravi sir was in a counter argument mode when another student said " yes sir, i go with you" RaviC: immediately asked him" So what do you want to convey?" the student said" I support your argument sir"....Came the reply from the Prof. in a flash-- " Giving support is when you get emotional and agreeing is when you are rational"...astonishing!

- Student: Sir what's the difference between process time and cycle time? Ravi C (with trademark smile): If a pregnant woman gives birth to twins then 9 month is process time while cycle time is zero!

- RaviC asks a guy to explain the first case of the course...He starts: If we do SWOT analysis....RaviC: What is SWOT? Student: ^%%? RaviC: Strength is your wife, Weakness if neighbor's wife, opportunity is when you neighbor is away, threat is when you are away!

- Case: BarillA SpaTopic in discussion was their inventory. Someone said: Sir, on an average, the inventory looks to be quite fine. RaviC: If u look at averages, the average Indian woman gives birth to 2.4 children. That would mean the average Indian woman is always pregnant.

- RaviC: What is capacity? (Silence- he looks arnd and points to a student) What is the capacity of this room? Student: (hoping to make an impression) Depends upon what kind of capacity u r talking abt- sitting, standing ... RaviC: Ah! (Has that glitter in the eye now) Let us say I decide to pack people into this room - then what do u say is the capacity? Student: (gives a number) but then again the capacity depends upon the ideal distance we want between 2 people. RC: You talking about distances now? Very smart! Did u assume then that I was going to pack them skin-to-skin top to bottom?! (pause) Have u heard of negative distances? Class silent. RC: Anyone married here? (Class still silent n no one gives eye contact) No one! That explains... (His famous smile now!)

- Ravi C's response to a guy who was referring to the Case Mat while Ravi C put down the solution on the blackboard -You are like the idiot who wants to watch a blue movie on his wedding night

- Shakespeare can easily be made... Just have a child and name him Shakespeare!

- On Adding Value!! "I don't know if I added any value to you all through this course but I definitely know that I didn't destroy any value...because it didn't exist previously"

- RaviC - "Your name is manoranjan?? manoranjan means entertainment.. so you entertain or are you a result of entertainment??"

- "If you make a Monkey sit with a typewritter , there is a finite probability that he will reproduce Shakespears work, given enough time"

- RaviC asks a question...our friend with all honesty says.."sir, i don't know".. RaviC - i remember, i had asked you a question in the 3rd sem, and you had said you didn't least now you are predictable.

- On being distracted by a student chewing on his gold chain:"You are the bottleneck of my attention.....You take my attention away from the class....I should really do something about this"

The nervous student dropping things from his/her desk and not daring to move a muscle to avoid attracting attention: “That’s why housekeeping is important in JIT. If your workspace is organized and things are running smoothly you don’t attract any attention..”

- On feeding a bottleneck:

“like a pregnant woman constantly craving for something to eat before having a baby??”

- Student : “The function gradually approaches 0…”RaviC: “that’s like saying that asymptotically we all die…” “Isko koi samjhao bhai”

- On a student missing in class: RaviC: “…What WIP gone missing” “So what should we do now??.. Let’s organise a party with band-baaja and go find him…That’s ok, I’ll lead the party since I have nothing better to do. So who’s coming with me??

- On scheduling conflicts: Student: “It arises because of shared resources.” RaviC: “You mean like Princess Diana or Draupadi?”

- RaviC: "Which is your favorite LP problem?" Student : "Adani Wilmar" RaviC: "Adani Wilmar?! Was it an LP problem or a transportation problem??" Student: "sir there we had to find the optimal route from the ports to the factories by an LP formulation" RaviC: "it's like I ask you for your favorite bird and u say has wings and it can it's technically correct!!!”

- ”Vishwamitra had zero WIP...he had compressed cycle time a long time back”

- a long discussion in class over a point ... same point gets repeated 20 mins later as if the guy is making a fresh point ... Ravi C says "I thought we had already covered this point some 20 mins earlier... Does sound travel so slowly here? I thought it travelled this distance in a lot less than 20 mins? "

- With increasing globalisation, the Indian students are also becoming world class..."

- Student: Sir, this inventory is stocked in the head office whereas the recommendation is to stock it at the regional offices. Ravi C: " If there are four members in your family and one of them goes abroad, then how many members are there in your family? It doesn't matter where the inventory is stored bhai as long as it is stuck in the system"

- On the idea of debating options for transporting goods from factory to markets: to illustrate the idea of buying low value-add items locally the prof said :"If you are going to transport cowdung, will you transport it by airplane?"

- Student: Whenever I go to the ATM, I expect it to have cash. RaviC: Just because you get admitted into the ICU, doesnt mean, you will come out alive.

- Student: There is something wrong in this model (simulation modelling). RaviC: Just because you are ugly, don't blame the mirror...

- "I am here for a purpose and I pretty well know what it is. And I shall fulfill my duty towards it and anything that comes in my way shall be OBLITERATED."

ps: IIM Indore guys are enjoying the fun and jokes now as he is the current director there

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