Monday, October 19, 2009

Missing Husband Report





A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing husband.

Lady: My husband is missing
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Can't remember
Inspector: Color of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair
Lady: Umm can't say I know it
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: Suit/casuals I dont remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him..????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together..............

And the lady started crying

Inspector: Lets search for the dog first..!!!!






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Thursday, October 15, 2009

SMOKER'S JOKE!!! Pretty good





SMOKER'S JOKE!!!

 A man sees another leaning against the wall of a large building.

The second man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.

The nonsmoker says, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing how you chain- smoke.  How many packs do you smoke a day?"

"Four."

"How long have you been smoking?"

"Thirty years."

"That's over forty thousand packs.  Why, if you didn't smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building."

The smoker takes a deep puff and says, "Do you smoke?"

"Never."

"Do you own this building?"

"No."

"Well, I do."






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Monday, October 12, 2009

Murphy's Latest Laws..


MURPHY'S LATEST LAWS

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug..

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

 




 

 

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And God made the kolayali different...Amen!!!



 

   

    I am sure you will enjoy this. Have a nice day!

     

     

     God & a Malayali   
      
      
      A poor Mallu in Kerala having no money, no home and
      a blind old mother plans to change his life and starts
      praying day and night to God for years together.
      
      Finally one day God, happy with his prayers, appears before
      him!
      
      God:   'Son, I'm truly pleased with your
      determination and confidence in me... I see you have
      something in mind... But my condition is that I can grant
      you ONLY ONE wish! So choose wisely and wish for something
      that is most important you.....'
      
      The Mallu (shrewd and intelligent as always) thinks for a
      moment and says he is ready to make his wish.
      
      God asks him to go ahead and make a wish......
      
      The Mallu with a huge Colgate smile says........ .........
      ......... .
        
      
        
      
      'God, my only wish is
      that you Bless my mother to stand on the terrace of our
      10-storey mansion and see my beautiful loving wife and 15
      servants playing in our 40 acre coconut garden below with
      our 5 healthy children wearing Diamond bangles!'
      
      
      God stares at him, completely
      dumbfounded:
      
      
      Damn!!!!!  I still have a LOT to learn from these
      Mallus......
      
      
      
       So moral of story, What have you learned
      today?
      
       If a Mallu puts his mind to it... HE CAN DO
      ANYTHING!!
      
      
      
      Mallu Facts:
      There is a small state, towards the south of India , called
      Kerala, The GOD's own country. The people of that state
      speak the language Malayalam. The people are known mostly as
      Malayalis or Mallu's in short, rather than Keralites.
      They have become the major work force in many countries,
      from CEOs to common laborers. The only place in the world
      they do NOT work at all is.... (you guessed it)-
      
      

 

 

 

 

 

 


      
      
      
      
      
      Kerala!

     

     

     



 


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Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sardar again...




 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

.


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Friday, October 9, 2009

Girl's time :)

ladies joke on men



  Enough  of jokes on the ladies now its the  .......  
       Time  for some male bashing..... (For a  change)....  

Q: What  is the difference between men and  puppies?  
A:  Puppies grow up.
 
Q: Why  do men always have a stupid look on their  faces?
A: Because they  are...
 
Q: What  do men have in common with ceramic  tiles?  
A: Fix  them properly once and you can walk all over  them forever.
 
Q: If  you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which  one would
hit the ground  first?
A: Who  cares?????......
 
Q: What  did God say after he created  man?  
A: I  can do better than this! And then he created  woman!!!.

Q: What's the difference  between an intelligent man & a UFO  ?  
A: I  don't know, I've never seen  either.
 
Q: What  are two reasons why men don't mind their  own  
business?
 
A: i)  no mind ii) no business
 
 
Q: Why  did Moses wander in the desert for 40  years?
A:! Because even  back then men wouldn't ask for directions  .  
 
Q: What  is the difference between men and  pigs?  
A: Pigs  don't turn into men when they  drink...
 
Q: What  makes men chase women they have no intention of  marrying?
A: The same urge  that makes dogs chase vehicles they have  no
intention of  driving.
 
Q: What do  you do with a man who thinks he's God's  gift?
A:  Exchange him!! 
 


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Thursday, October 8, 2009

UN -Worldwide survey




UN -Worldwide survey

Worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?'


The survey was a huge failure,


 *   In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
 *
 *   In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
 *
 *   In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
 *
 *   In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
 *
 *   In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
 *
 *   In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
 *
 *   And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!






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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Who will survive 2012



looks promising!
 
http://www.whowillsurvive2012.com/

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Multi National Company




A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to ?"
"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, "you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to,you IDIOT ?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

Keep Smiling :)

 

 

 


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Cleaning your computer



 Cleaning your computer

I know you don't clean your computer screen very often
and it is hard to do the inside, so here is my present to you.  

(just click on the word "here" above)



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Unmarried girl



 

Young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.


Scared??..She confides this ' news' to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?

I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably
dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.



He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has
informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility.


If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.


If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.


However, If there is a miscarriage or unsuccessful delivery , what do you suggest I do?"



At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



" You can try again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

 


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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

IRCTC- For frequent Tea Takers

CONTROVERSIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Think Before Drinking tea while travelling by Indian Railway (IRCTC)
 
1.Caters may use Water from toilet taps for making tea.
   (or) They may mix that water in the milk. (If tea bags are being used)
2.Your tea may be prepared in a special zone near toilet. Bath heater is used for preparing the same.
 
These snaps were taken by someone while travelling in kokan railway (Janshatabadi Exp.)
 
 
Jago Grahak Jago..... :)

 




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