hilarious adult jokes

A cardiologist marries a gynecologist and were blessed with twin girls. Guess what they name them - Angina and Vagina. Two sperms are swimming really hard and one asks, "Are we almost at uterus?." "Nah!" says the other, "we just passed the tonsil". A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank. The teller says, "Sorry, madam, the note is fake". "Oh no!" exclaimed the prostitute, "I have been raped". A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got out off hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, "I told you not to go doggy style". Man went to the chemist to buy one fourth Viagra. Chemist said that it would be useless. Man said, "I am 70, sex is out of question, I just want to stop peeing on my shoes". Secretary said publicly that you have a small penis, would you comment on this? "The truth is that she has a big mouth". A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love. She said, "Aww, so sorry... exkooz me pleazo,Front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud". What is common between a swimming pool and a wife - for both we pay high maintenance for the little time we spend in them. Love is a complicated machinery.But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it. Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. What's the difference between biology and sociology? When the baby looks like his dad or mom, the it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology. What is the useless piece of flesh attached to the penis called - The Man. Whoever first said that "A dog is man's best friend" had never seen a pussy before. Why is breast milk good for health? Because it is great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers. Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and still suck blood?" God said, "Okay, I will turn you into a sanitary pad". Why was two-piece bikini invented? To separate meat section from the dairy section. All men are terrorists. They always attack women on their twin towers and destroy their pentagon. Man was lying nude on the beach. A sexy babe starts playing tabla on his butt. Man: What are you doing? Girl: Playing tabla. Man turns over and says, "Can you play flute?" Mother was scolding the daughter, "I don't like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb". "No, momma," she said, "He is going to be a doctor and he has already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month"

90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking....Piyo Sar Utha Ke :D

If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world! That's called Attitude! Keep on rocking!

Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage,
slow & sure!

Only 20 percent girls have brains, rest have boyfriends!

All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone
else!

Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune - bapu ji ya chacha ji???

When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flows from your eyes always say these words:
Eh Ganpat, chal daru la.

10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

Nishal & Kavya - Divorce In the view of a software engineer

Software engineer Decides... Probable reasons: 1) When Nishal tried to install the o/s in the new system using his pen drive, he found that the system has already been installed with Dileep XP, Lalettan XP, Lal Jose XP, etc. and message displayed "Lot of o/s already installed No more o/s installation possible, Try to reboot the system" 2) When Nishal tried to insert pen drive into the new system he found that there is no USB port fitting the dimension of the pendirve, system displayed message " No USB port available , all USB converted to DVD Drive, insert only bigger size disks" and system restarts every time when tries the same showing same message. 3) When Nishal uncovered the new machine his pen drive emitted a sticky fluid and became useless and no more readable for that day, pen drive seems to be Chinese made battery always leaking, , this repeated for almost a month and the system decided to seek another user who doesnt spend easily 4) Nishal's software never becomes hardware!!!! !