hilarious adult jokes

A cardiologist marries a gynecologist and were blessed with twin girls. Guess what they name them - Angina and Vagina. Two sperms are swimming really hard and one asks, "Are we almost at uterus?." "Nah!" says the other, "we just passed the tonsil". A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank. The teller says, "Sorry, madam, the note is fake". "Oh no!" exclaimed the prostitute, "I have been raped". A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got out off hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, "I told you not to go doggy style". Man went to the chemist to buy one fourth Viagra. Chemist said that it would be useless. Man said, "I am 70, sex is out of question, I just want to stop peeing on my shoes". Secretary said publicly that you have a small penis, would you comment on this? "The truth is that she has a big mouth". A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love. She said, "Aww, so sorry... exkooz me pleazo,Front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud". What is common between a swimming pool and a wife - for both we pay high maintenance for the little time we spend in them. Love is a complicated machinery.But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it. Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. What's the difference between biology and sociology? When the baby looks like his dad or mom, the it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology. What is the useless piece of flesh attached to the penis called - The Man. Whoever first said that "A dog is man's best friend" had never seen a pussy before. Why is breast milk good for health? Because it is great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers. Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and still suck blood?" God said, "Okay, I will turn you into a sanitary pad". Why was two-piece bikini invented? To separate meat section from the dairy section. All men are terrorists. They always attack women on their twin towers and destroy their pentagon. Man was lying nude on the beach. A sexy babe starts playing tabla on his butt. Man: What are you doing? Girl: Playing tabla. Man turns over and says, "Can you play flute?" Mother was scolding the daughter, "I don't like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb". "No, momma," she said, "He is going to be a doctor and he has already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month"