Love letter (By a Programmer...) Too good :)

        Ultimate Love Letter…
        
        Awesome mail…but d best part is signatureJ...
        

        (By a Programmer...  )
        
        Sweetheart ,
        
        I`ve seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time I`ve been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.
        
        My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless.
        
        You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.
        
        Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
        
        When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /*which I never experienced before.*/
        
        With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked together, I¡¯ll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life.
        
        Also don`t bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as I¡¯ve strong hacking capabilities by which I`ll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage .
        
        I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail.
        And its all but certain that if
        this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.
        
        Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox. Error free...
        
        Regards,
        Software Programmer
        Today This company
        Tommorrow That Company
        But always want ur   company!

Humiliating Replies...

 

 

Impossible Humiliation!!

 

POINTED REPLIES WHEN YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP

 

 

 

Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw once started addressing a public meeting in English at Ahmedabad. 

The crowd started, Speak in Gujarati. We will hear only in Gujarati." 

Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw replied, Friends, I have fought many a battle in my long career. I have learned Punjabi from officers of the Sikh Regiment; Marathi from the officers of the Maratha Regiment; Tamil from the officers of the Madras Sappers; Bengali from the officers of the Bengal Sappers , Hindi from the officers of the Bihar Regiment; and even Nepali from the officers of the Gurkha Regiment. Unfortunately there was no Army officer from Guajart from whom I could have learned Gujarati."

 

 

 

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

At a time when the US President and other US politicians tend to apologize for their country's prior actions, here's a refresher on how some former US personnel handled negative comments about the United States. 

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when Charles DeGaule, the French President, decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaule said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. 

Rusk responded "does that include those who are buried here? 

DeGaule did not respond.

 

       

 

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if US plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush. 

He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'

 

 

 

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. 

During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?'

 

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

 

 

 

 

 

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. 

At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks when a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. 

He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

 

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

 

  

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

 

 ............ AND THE FOLLOWING STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE..........

 

 

 

Robert Whiting, an elderly US gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

 

 

 

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

 

 

 

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. 

 

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." 

 

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." 

 

"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France! 

 

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.

 

Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchman to show a passport to."

 

Never be a Developer...

Roshan D'Mello (QA Tester)   Mukesh Thakur ( Developer)     Roshan D'Mello:  Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in username text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.   Mukesh Thakur:  How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.     After 2 days,   Mukesh Thakur : Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.     After another 2 days,   Roshan D'Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.   After another 2 days,   Mukesh Thakur : Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has Old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.     Another 2 days,   Roshan D'Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is Different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but My colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.   Mukesh Thakur : Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The Two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do You expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.   Another 2 days,   Roshan D'Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep Sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces Beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces Sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.       Another 2 days later,   Mukesh Thakur :  Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the Volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both The machines before I get mad and then close the bug.       Another 2 days,   Roshan D'Mello :  I have re-opened the bug.   Mukesh Thakur :  What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?   Roshan D'Mello:  Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.       After 2 days,   Mukesh Thakur : I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.       After 1 year   Roshan D'Mello :  I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested The clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same Acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.   Mukesh Thakur : GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the Sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.   Roshan D'Mello :   No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.   Mukesh Thakur:   ??  Result----------------------- Mukesh Thakur is now in mental asylum while Roshan D'Mello has become QA Manager.